A New Season

A new season.

These past few months have really been a time of running.

Yeah, running. that's what I said. 

No, I have not taken up running. i hate running actually.

I mean this in the way that I feel like these past few months have gone by so fast and finally I am at a point where I need to stop running and breathe.

This past year I have studied countless hours, worried about what my life would truly look like this summer, stressed myself out by putting way too much pressure on myself, I was impatient in waiting for answers that may or may not be answered, cried more than I ever thought I could, and felt an enormous amount of weight on my shoulders.  

Sounds bad doesn't it?

It wasn't all bad though.

God did major work this past year in me and still is.

I distinctly remember crying in the shower after a long day just begging the Lord to give me strength and answers.

Guess what He said to me....

"My Lindsay, just wait."

I began to learn to trust in that answer. 

So, I waited. and waited.

Now, you're probably asking, "Lindsay, what were you waiting on?"

Good question.

This past year I graduated nursing school May 15th.

This past year has been the semester of, "So, Lindsay are you moving back to Texas to work or staying in Alabama? Lindsay, where are you working? Lindsay, Tell me your plans for after college?"

At first it was okay for me to not have an answer. I said, "Oh I don't know yet! But thanks for asking!"

Then it grew to be, "I DON'T KNOW AND IF ONE MORE PERSON DARES ASK ME, I WILL BLOW UP!" 

well...that was a tad harsh, but that's just how it felt on the inside.

I kept praying for answers.

And the Lord kept saying, ""Lindsay, just wait. I have something great in store for you."

So, I waited.

And I prayed.

March 1, 2015.

Lord, I am broken. i feel like I am in pieces. but you know what. you pick up the broken and put them on your shoulder. you make me whole again. you are my everything. you carry me. you carry me through this season in my life. This hard and trusting season. Be with me. I know you won't leave me. I Trust.

And I prayed other prayers like this one.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to lay down my fears, worries, stress, anxiety, and tears at your feet. I give and share with you my hopes, dreams, and desires. I would love to work at UAB in the RNICU! I want to serve your tiny children whom you love SO much! I want to sit with their parents and show them care, encouragement, and just sit and listen. I am excited to interview and share with them my heart to serve and love on this unit. Lord, I love you. You are SO GOOD! And I am excited to see your plan unfold. Love, Lindsay

Then I got to pray this.

My Sweet Jesus,

You are incredibly good. you are perfect. i thank you. You answered my prayers! you heard and listened to my hopes, dreams, and desires. i am still in shock. Lord, I am going to be a NICU nurse!! I get the chance to love, care, and serve these tiny babies and their families. I pray you use me for your glory! i pray over my future patients, that you heal them and give them the will to fight and i pray you love them through my heart. i love your tiny children. your children are precious. thank you Lord! you are mine. And i am yours.  -Lindsay

God listens. He knows. 

Even in the dark places, He is there. 

Jesus met me where I was at, listened intently, loved me well, and He was with me through it all.

Now, I want to switch gears for a second.

I want to say something.

I got the job in Alabama. YAY!

But it truly was a hard decision to make.

"WHY? It is your dream job, Lindsay?"

I am in Alabama. 

My precious family is in Texas.

I am going to be honest with you.

It was and is hard to be away from them. 

I love them so much, but you can still love people from afar.

I am following God's path for me.

It was not easy to make the move to Alabama.

I miss them everyday.

But, God is using me here.

I am thankful for a family that understands and is just as excited for me!

Lastly,

I said in the beginning of this past about a new season of life.

"Lindsay, all you have been talking about it is the past?"

I know. I know. I am getting there.

So, now I am in Alabama.

Passed my NLCEX!

Became an RN!

Started a new job that I love!

Now what?

I sit in my new apartment on my day off from work sipping coffee in this new chair my roommate bought wondering what this new season in my life will bring.

And all I can say is, I am SO up for the adventure! 

Whatever the Lord has in store for me, I am ALL in! 

Yes, at times it will be hard.

Because people don't tell you this, but Adulting (the act of trying to act like an adult) is hard.

Like what are taxes, how do you cook real food, and how do I 

But my friend Taylor told me, "Linds, It's okay to not adult all the time." 

So, today I am thankful.

I sit here thankful for a family who loves me, friends who I cherish, a roommate who loves me well and shows me Jesus, and I thankful for a God who listens to my cries and loves me through this crazy thing called life.

Bring on this new season.

I welcome you.

Needles.Blood.And Laughs Galore! (not a queasy post btw..haha!)

I want to share with you a tid bit of my summer so far.

I did go back to the good ol' Pine Cove Ranch Camp for 6 weeks again this summer. 

LeapFrog Forever!

And again, it was a sweet time loving on my little 6th grade nuggets. I cherished every moment with those precious 32 girls. I love them all SO much! It was an amazing experience showing them Jesus and telling them that they are Dearly Loved by the Father! 

I am still processing a lot of what happened at camp, so I want to share what is going on after camp, because God is not only at camp. He is here with me and He is still working!

So, I got home from camp on a Sunday and started a summer internship the following day.

My alarm was set for 6am. I got to work at 7am ready to work. 

I remember that was one hard morning, because I was jumping into something totally new...

 and I was NERVOUS!

I was interning with a family friend at a Dermatologist's office. It is a place where they do day surgery.

Let's just say this was a HUGE change going from being with kids all the time to being with adults all day for sure. 

And it was also different, because I wasn't jumping up and down all the time, yelling cheers, counting to 8 to make sure I had all my campers, and the list goes on. 

It felt so weird to not be at camp raising the flag that morning. I wanted so bad to go back and be with my friends who encouraged me everyday and were always SO positive about life.  We lived life together for 6 weeks, and I missed them so much! 

I kept saying, "Okay Lord, show me why I am here and not at camp anymore! Do something please!"

Well, I started pouring myself into my work. I have been learning a whole bunch from all of the nurses such as how to numb-up patients, assist the doctors during surgery, how to take blood, how to talk to patients and re-assure them, and the list goes on.  It has been a wild experience.

The Lord blessed me immensely with the women I work with.  They are all so hilarious and so sweet to me.  They truly want me to succeed and understand things.  

One lady in particular has taught me more and more what it looks like to be in a deep love with Jesus.  She is one amazing daughter of the King.  The Lord sent me a person who has truly impacted my life in a big way.  I can tell she truly cares about me.  She sends me verses that always apply to my life, continually encourages me, and gives me sweet hugs when I need them (especially after I take off toe-nails at work...yuck!)  And she always provides a good laugh about 24/7! I am going to miss her so much when I go back to school. 

So as I am working day to day, I started learning that the Lord can use me not just at camp, but here in the "real world" too.  That I can impact the people around me by loving them with God's amazing love, showing them Jesus, and just listening to people and digging into there lives.

He is teaching me to be content where I am.

This sounds kind of funny, but I need to learn to share Jesus right where I am. To stop looking forwards and just be me right where I am. 

I have also been worrying about going back to school. I keep doubting my abilities and doubting God to provide certain things for me at school. 

Who am I to doubt God?

He is my everything. He knows what I need and when I need it. 

He is in the midst of comforting me about this next year. 

Don't get me wrong, I am excited, but I am also nervous about a few things.

Here is what it has boiled down to...

God walks with me in my ups and downs. He is always there. And always provides such a sweet love for me. He has got me right inside the palm of His Mighty hand! 

No need to worry. 

I've got Jesus!

Alright, I promise I will tell you all about camp, but I need more time to process. Can't wait to share what Jesus did this summer at camp. He surely did WORK!

Love you deep!

Lindsay, Trust ME!

Have you ever been shaken by the Lord?

Where He has to yell at you to get your attention.

Right now the Lord is yelling.

"Lindsay, my sweet daughter, TRUST ME!!!"

Recently, I was denied a position next year at school. 

No, it's not the end of the world. 

But, it was a part of my plan.

Did you catch that?

It was a part of MY plan.

Dumb thing to say.

But, it wasn't God's plan.

I wanted to lead girls, show them Jesus, and love them deeply.

All great intentions, but not His plan for me in that position.

So, I sat a few days in confusion of WHY.

I wanted an answer of WHY.

I got to a place of, "What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough?"

Bad place to be, let me tell you.

Don't even go there.

I had to re-fill my thoughts with, "My identity is in Christ. I am dearly loved. I am a daughter of the Almighty King. I am His gem."

After getting my head straight, I then began to think.

I think a lot. A lot A lot.

Maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. 

So I sat in that for a while. Just talking it through with Him and listening. Sitting in His presence. 

Here's what I got.

After not getting what I wanted, am I still going to trust in the Lord that He has a greater plan. That He is in charge and not me? That He is the only thing that matters in life? 

The Lord said, "Lindsay, are you still going to trust me, even though you have no idea what I am doing?"

Yes!

I read in Jesus Calling this week something pretty awesome, and I wanted to share!

"Trust Me in every detail of your life. Nothing is random in My Kingdom. Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, to those who love me. Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies (details) of the pattern, Focus your energy on TRUSTING ME and THANKING ME at ALL times...I lifted you out of the mire into My Marvelous Light!!!"

I think a lot of times I look at every detail in situations such as this one, and all the Lord wants me to do is trust in Him that it will be okay, and His plans are far better than any of my own hopes or dreams. To let go of my control and give it to Him. It's not worth it.

I am reflecting now. Letting go. Trusting Him. 

I pray to the Lord that in this time I become in a deeper love for Him. I want to learn to love Him more. 

I want to leave with this sweet song.

Nothing I hold onto.

"I lean not on my own understanding,

my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven.

I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.

There is nothing I hold onto!"

This is my prayer. My cry to the Lord.

My Identity!

Do you ever feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest?

That you are so anxious, your body goes numb?

That is how I feel right now, but by the end of this, I am hoping I will have a different feeling.

This is my story.

My sophomore year. Third semester of college. Here we go.

I took three science classes and a biblical perspectives class. 16 hours.

It was the hardest semester yet.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LEARNING!

But, three sciences was rough.

There were many many times where I just felt I could not do it.

That I wasn't smart enough.

That I couldn't possibly understand cellular respiration or sodium-potassium pumps or even how the body needs calcium for the muscles to contract.

I remember going home for Fall break and being SO excited to be home! Away from school and those science classes, but I was in for an awakening.

My parents had to sit me down and put my head back on straight.

One of my problems: I LOVE PEOPLE. I love helping them. I love talking with them. I love giving my time to them.

Don't get me wrong, these are all great things, but I also needed to focus on school.

This was a hard lesson to take from them. At the time I was sad, because I thought I was failing them.

I just wanted to make my parents proud of me.

One night, I went over to my grand-big Carlson's room to give her something. She asked, "Hey how are things going? How's school?"

Cue the tears.

I told her how I wasn't doing well. I was failing my parents. How school was so difficult.

She wrapped me in her arms and told me how it wasn't about making them proud. She told me that the Lord created truth and knowledge, so instead of getting so annoyed with school, look at it as honoring the Lord and getting excited to learn about what He created for us to learn! How awesome is that?! All I could do was try my very best and that's all I can do. She told me I was smart. I am a daughter of the King. I am LOVED! 

I will always remember that night with sweet Carlson. 

After this night, I started doing things for the Lord and not for my parents.

I started to enjoy learning about the human body and how it works. And speaking up more in my Biblical perspectives class.

I regained some of my joy!

I frequently had my ups and downs, but who doesn't?

Again and Again I was reminded how loved I was. How I am a GEM! How I am His daughter.

Every time I got down, the Lord would place someone in my life that reminded me that I could do it.

I do not know where I would be without my AOII sisters. Truly.

There were many times where my sisters would just come and give me a hug, give me a Bible verse they read and wrote it on a notecard for me, and just sat and prayed with me! I had sisters place there hands on me and pray over me.

HOW PRECIOUS!!!

Now, I know being in a sorority takes up some of my time, but without them, I would not be where I am today.

I thank the Lord that He placed such sweet girls in my life. They are ALL precious!

He granted me with a hard semester, but I had wonderful women around me on my journey. The Lord blessed me with such fun times with these sisters of mine!

Now, here is where the numbness comes in...

I just finished finals.

And I am not sure yet on my grades.

I'm freaking out!

I keep saying to myself, "Lindsay, you can't fail. You can't. What will I do?! I want to make my parents proud!"

Every time I think this way, I am reminded what Jane told me, "You make the Lord proud, Lindsay. Your best is always enough!" 

I will not let these grades define me!!! My identity is found in Christ. Not these grades.

*breathe in. breathe out*

There is no reason to worry. No reason to get anxious.

BECAUSE, the Lord has got me right inside the palm of His great BIG hand!

Whenever I get the feeling of my stomach in knots, I have to remember I did my very best and that the Lord is proud of me either way!

I hope this gives you a little peace if you are in a position like me right now.

Now I wanted to add at the end of this a short list of some answered prayers over this semester!

PRAISE GOD!!!

New and deeper Friendships:

Lauren Oakley, my amazing study partner, sister, and friend! I love you oakley!!!!

Anna Kathryn, my little, my prayer warrior, a friend that will cry with me and laugh with me! She is one big blessing. I love this girl to pieces!!!

Stevie Carnell: My auntie in AOII. She can make me laugh until I cry. She truly cares for me as I do for her. I am blessed to be her neiceyy!

Carlson Coogler: She gave me pep talks and hugged on me. She truly cares about me and loves me just the way I am. She too is a precious sister!!!
Christina Rickman: My sweet BIG!! I love her so much! She always knows what to say and how to encourage me. She always knows how to cheer me up (sending me NEMO quotes and giving me lots of hugs!) I don't know what I would do without her!

Mary Katherine Parker: I love this girl! She is a precious friend! She always points me to Christ!

Hannah Crane: Such a sweet spirit! She is such an encourager! I am glad to have met her this semester!

Kristen Francisco: This girl is always making me laugh. She is always thinking of others and loving on people. So happy we are so much closer this year!

Alex Da Ponte: She is such a great friend. She always is encouraging me and lifting me up!

A person to start mentoring me while in college: 

Jane Eggenberger. A precious woman of God. A prayer warrior. An amazing role model. I am blessed by her SO much! When I was approached by her during the semester, I was in need of someone who would understand what I was going through and Jane showed up. I am thankful that the Lord placed her in my life.

I would be able to pour into girls younger than me: 

I have the privilege to mentor five of the sweetest girls! They are my new AOII sisters. I cannot wait to watch them grow into wonderful and lovely women of God throughout there college years. They are adorable!!

These were just a few of the wonderful things God did this semester!!

Now, think about what the Lord did in your life this year and go write it all down! It is a great way to thank the Lord for His mighty work!

My Thursday Afternoons!

I started mentoring five sweet girls every Thursday afternoon last week.
Soooo..we have met twice so far and man...GOD SHOWED UP!!
What a blessing they are to me!!
I bring my HUGE picnic blanket and sit on the quad and we just talk about life. eat cookies too! haha!
COMMUNITY AT ITS FINEST
We talk about how they are REALLY doing, there families and friends, and of course how they are doing with God.
AHHH, it is beyond refreshing.
Just what I need towards the end of the week.
I love investing in lives and just plain loving on these girls.
I truly believe God is going to do great and mighty things this year through these girls.
Please be praying that we will truly bond as Sisters in Christ!
Being open and transparent.
Taking Risks.
Seeking Prayer.
I can't wait to see what He does through this sweet time!
Be praying :)

The Past 3 Weeks

Do you ever just feel like you are drowning?

You have multiple To-Do-Lists. Tests. And a Crazy Life.

I feel like I have been running around campus like a crazy woman.

And do you ever feel like your heart is just so heavy?

This has been me for the past 3 weeks. Maybe longer.

I kept having thoughts of, "Lindsay, you're not good enough. You are failing at school. You are failing at life. No one cares about you. No one loves you." 

Do you know who these were coming from?

Satan.

I was letting him tell me who I was.

NOT OKAY.

The Lord said, "Lindsay, My sweet daughter, I love you. I understand. I am with you. No need to fear or worry. I got you right in the palm of my hand."

For weeks on end I could not figure out why I felt this way, but it was because I was letting the devil get into my head.

I had a break down almost everyday because I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of feeling this way.

I finally sat down on the quad one evening after a hard day and started talking/yelling at God. 

I said, "MAKE IT STOP! Lord get these thoughts out of my head. I am LOVED. I am SMART. I am CARED FOR. I am a GEM. Satan get out of here. You are not wanted. Leave me now!"

I was bold with the Lord. 

I looked back on these past few weeks and yeah a TON of bad things happened, but that doesn't define who I am in Christ. He loves me just the way I am. He loves me even if school is hard for me. He loves me even when I lose focus on Him. 

He loves me ALWAYS.

I had to remind myself that My timing isn't His timing. 

I wanted SO badly for my mommy to get better from being sick and hurting immediately, but that wasn't His plan. It was going to take a few weeks.

I wanted to ACE my quiz in physiology last week. I studied for what it seemed like forever. Did I ace it? nope.

I feel like I am trying incredibly hard, but the Lord isn't helping. 

BUT you know what, He still loves me. 

I may not understand what the Lord is doing in my life right now, BUT good golly I am going to trust in His Mighty Plan!

One of those precious moments...

This past month has been a whirlwind of crazy.

I started back at Samford for my sophomore year, recruitment practices, studying for tests, and so on.

Safe to say...I was pretty busy.

I felt like a crazy woman running around campus trying to get everything done.

Things kept happening in my life that were unexpected and crazy and finally I just broke down.

It was the night of Bid Day.

We had our party and I headed back to my dorm for a nice long sleep.

BUT, I sat down on my bed and my heart felt heavy.

I needed someone to talk to, someone to cry with, someone to listen to me.

I called my BIG.

She was studying of course, but dropped everything to come and talk with me.

We met infront of the library at 10:30pm, and on those steps I started to tell her everything that was going on in my life.

I was struggling with school. I missed my mom and dad. I was still unsure about my future and what God wants for my life. 

And then I said one last phrase, "My joy is gone. I don't feel like a light anymore."

After that...I lost it.

Just laying on my BIG crying with tears streaming down my face.

I didn't feel like myself for some reason.

My BIG held me and stroked my hair and rubbed my back.

Then when I put myself somewhat together, she took my shoulders and looked me right in the eye and said, "LITTLE, YOU ARE A JOY TO BE AROUND AND A LIGHT IN THIS WORLD. YOU ARE PRECIOUS. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE KING AND A CHILD OF GOD."

And I cried some more...of course.

Sometimes you need someone to just shake you, look you in the eye, and tell you how wonderful you truly are in the sight of God and others around you.

I had forgotten who I was.

I asked her, Well how do I get back to being my old self?

She said, "Do what the old Lindsay would do. Go sit on the quad, read your Bible, journal, blog, read a good book, pray to your Father for a while, and rest."

What great advice that was! 

After this, we went on to talk about life and other things.

I went on to tell her how blessed I was to call her my Sister in Christ and AOII. 

I told her my pref story, which had her in it. 

She was the sole reason I decided to go AOII.

We cried together thanking God for His wonderful plan for us to be friends.

I have always had a hard time calling someone my Best Friend since high school because I have been hurt many a time by someone who called me there Best Friend, but tonight was different.

I looked my BIG in the eyes and said, "I just want to tell you that you are one of my Best Friends."

And again...we cried together.

After this, she looked up at me and said, "Can I pray over you, Little?" YES!

And let me tell you. This girl is a Prayer Warrior. 

She prayed passionately and fervently. Such Joy and Zeal in her words. 

To have someone pray over you is something so special.

My BIG is one precious woman. I am blessed by her heart for the Lord and care for others.

What a beautiful picture of community and love! 

I am ever so thankful for Christina Lynn Rickman. 

What a blessing her friendship is to me.

She reminded me who I was in Christ. Told me that I mattered. Told me that she loved me. And just held me in her arms. 

Sisters Forever and always.

I love you Christina.