Living that Mary and Martha life.

As I sit here sipping my favorite latte outside in the cool breeze, I begin to ponder.

Which usually means I am thinking which then leads to a blog post. 

So, I wanted to share with you a few things I am learning and experiencing.

I became a member of Mosaic Birmingham a few weeks ago.

I sat in a chair while my friends and community laid there hands on me to pray over my heart. To pray over my soul. To pray that Jesus would use me in BIG ways.

I can't describe in words my experience of this fully, but man...It was awesome!

I also hit a wall.

Not a literal wall.

Gotcha!

But really, I felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.

It took someone else telling me that I couldn't do it all.

I was working a whole lot trying to pick up overtime to help out the unit since we have been short staffed.

I wasn't reading my bible, because I was just too exhausted. (poor excuse).

And I was emotionally exhausted because working in an ICU for about 17 days straight (as Anna Miller says), is hard on the heart at times.

I finally had 5 days off straight.

What bliss.

I asked Jesus for rest.

Well, I slept for 13 hours straight. That will do it.

I drank coffee. 

I finished Jen Hatmaker's book "For the Love" (Highly recommend).

I called my best friend.

I talked with Jesus.

I also began to learn something...

Here is what I am learning.

As some of you know, My favorite two women in the bible are Mary and Martha. 

If you haven't read, "Having a Mary heart in a Martha World" then you should!

I was reminded this rough week that I was in a Martha funk.

Jesus was saying, "Lindsay, all I want from you is for you to sit at my feet."

I always thought of myself as a sweet little Mary who just sought after Jesus and anointed His feet with expensive oils, but maybe I was not.

I wanted to say yes to everything. To be there for all my friends in there times of needs. To serve at work. 

I had someone remind me that it is okay to take time to rest and to say no and to take time to fill up my cup.

So, I am learning about balance.

Jesus loves a servant's heart, but He also loves for you to just sit with Him.

How beautiful.

Here is to learning to balance.

Also, I have taken up baking. Recipes for anything Fall would be greatly appreciated! 

Adulting is Hard.

Nobody tells you this after graduating, but Adulting is Hard.

Yes, it is a verb.

ADULTING.

So, being in a new city, new job, and new experiences, it has been a whirlwind of learning.

I am learning to trust that Jesus is bigger, He is constant, He is with me, and He is comical.

All these things I knew, but I had to be reminded of it.

Two weeks ago, I felt the weight of the world. 

This world is broken.

All around me I felt lonely, felt like I was failing at work, felt like God wasn't at work with me in the NICU (which He clearly is), and I felt all alone in this BIG world.

I have been attending a church, and I was invited to a worship service called "Elements" on a Wednesday night.

I was sitting there singing along, then all of a sudden I just stopped.

I couldn't sing another word.

I was frozen in my loneliness.

Physically surrounded by loving people, but felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

So, I sat there. tearing up. 

Then the last song of the night was beginning and I could not sit any longer.

I stood up and moved to the back.

I closed my eyes and just as I was about to start to pray.

A hand touched my back and my new friend Anna said, "Can I pray over you?"

All I could get out was a nod.

Jesus shows up.

He comes in a way that is absolutely beautiful.

I wept.

As the night ended, two other girls came up to me and asked how I was doing.

What a sweet answered prayer for community.

Jesus is Sovereign!

He is GOOD!

All of this to say...

My job at work is not easy. But I am not alone. I am not.

I have my Jesus, new sweet friendships, and a beautiful journey ahead of me.

I am thankful for my new church family, Mosaic. You are too good!

A New Season

A new season.

These past few months have really been a time of running.

Yeah, running. that's what I said. 

No, I have not taken up running. i hate running actually.

I mean this in the way that I feel like these past few months have gone by so fast and finally I am at a point where I need to stop running and breathe.

This past year I have studied countless hours, worried about what my life would truly look like this summer, stressed myself out by putting way too much pressure on myself, I was impatient in waiting for answers that may or may not be answered, cried more than I ever thought I could, and felt an enormous amount of weight on my shoulders.  

Sounds bad doesn't it?

It wasn't all bad though.

God did major work this past year in me and still is.

I distinctly remember crying in the shower after a long day just begging the Lord to give me strength and answers.

Guess what He said to me....

"My Lindsay, just wait."

I began to learn to trust in that answer. 

So, I waited. and waited.

Now, you're probably asking, "Lindsay, what were you waiting on?"

Good question.

This past year I graduated nursing school May 15th.

This past year has been the semester of, "So, Lindsay are you moving back to Texas to work or staying in Alabama? Lindsay, where are you working? Lindsay, Tell me your plans for after college?"

At first it was okay for me to not have an answer. I said, "Oh I don't know yet! But thanks for asking!"

Then it grew to be, "I DON'T KNOW AND IF ONE MORE PERSON DARES ASK ME, I WILL BLOW UP!" 

well...that was a tad harsh, but that's just how it felt on the inside.

I kept praying for answers.

And the Lord kept saying, ""Lindsay, just wait. I have something great in store for you."

So, I waited.

And I prayed.

March 1, 2015.

Lord, I am broken. i feel like I am in pieces. but you know what. you pick up the broken and put them on your shoulder. you make me whole again. you are my everything. you carry me. you carry me through this season in my life. This hard and trusting season. Be with me. I know you won't leave me. I Trust.

And I prayed other prayers like this one.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to lay down my fears, worries, stress, anxiety, and tears at your feet. I give and share with you my hopes, dreams, and desires. I would love to work at UAB in the RNICU! I want to serve your tiny children whom you love SO much! I want to sit with their parents and show them care, encouragement, and just sit and listen. I am excited to interview and share with them my heart to serve and love on this unit. Lord, I love you. You are SO GOOD! And I am excited to see your plan unfold. Love, Lindsay

Then I got to pray this.

My Sweet Jesus,

You are incredibly good. you are perfect. i thank you. You answered my prayers! you heard and listened to my hopes, dreams, and desires. i am still in shock. Lord, I am going to be a NICU nurse!! I get the chance to love, care, and serve these tiny babies and their families. I pray you use me for your glory! i pray over my future patients, that you heal them and give them the will to fight and i pray you love them through my heart. i love your tiny children. your children are precious. thank you Lord! you are mine. And i am yours.  -Lindsay

God listens. He knows. 

Even in the dark places, He is there. 

Jesus met me where I was at, listened intently, loved me well, and He was with me through it all.

Now, I want to switch gears for a second.

I want to say something.

I got the job in Alabama. YAY!

But it truly was a hard decision to make.

"WHY? It is your dream job, Lindsay?"

I am in Alabama. 

My precious family is in Texas.

I am going to be honest with you.

It was and is hard to be away from them. 

I love them so much, but you can still love people from afar.

I am following God's path for me.

It was not easy to make the move to Alabama.

I miss them everyday.

But, God is using me here.

I am thankful for a family that understands and is just as excited for me!

Lastly,

I said in the beginning of this past about a new season of life.

"Lindsay, all you have been talking about it is the past?"

I know. I know. I am getting there.

So, now I am in Alabama.

Passed my NLCEX!

Became an RN!

Started a new job that I love!

Now what?

I sit in my new apartment on my day off from work sipping coffee in this new chair my roommate bought wondering what this new season in my life will bring.

And all I can say is, I am SO up for the adventure! 

Whatever the Lord has in store for me, I am ALL in! 

Yes, at times it will be hard.

Because people don't tell you this, but Adulting (the act of trying to act like an adult) is hard.

Like what are taxes, how do you cook real food, and how do I 

But my friend Taylor told me, "Linds, It's okay to not adult all the time." 

So, today I am thankful.

I sit here thankful for a family who loves me, friends who I cherish, a roommate who loves me well and shows me Jesus, and I thankful for a God who listens to my cries and loves me through this crazy thing called life.

Bring on this new season.

I welcome you.